A few months ago I read that the elected leadership of so-called “moderate” Baptist conventions are evenly split between clergy and laity. On the other hand, “fundamentalist” state conventions tend to be clergy-dominated, often by a 90 percent margin.

This interesting observation reminded me of Ralph Elliott’s book, The Genesis Controversy, that I read some years back. In examining the Genesis controversy among Southern Baptists of the early 1960s—of which he was the centerpiece—Elliott received hundreds of letters from both clergy and laity.

About 90 percent of the letters that came from laity were supportive, he noted, while about 90 percent of the clergy-written letters were negative.

So I sat and digested these facts during commercial breaks while watching an episode of X-Files one Sunday night after church. By the end of the show (after licking the popcorn butter off my fingers), I had reached the only reasonable conclusion ... some modern Baptist preachers are actually aliens from outer space.

No, I’m not kidding. Aliens.

How can I be so sure? Well, read and judge for yourself.

For starters, aliens, as we all know, have a mysterious sway over the human consciousness because of their elevated and superior place in the universe (not to mention that they drive their vehicles so fast as to scare the daylights out of most humans).

Baptist preachers (when they take their foot off of the gas pedal) are often placed upon (or simply assume) some otherworldly pedestal of divine power and righteous judgement. It is a pedestal from which it is hard to step off; the longer one stands upon it, the higher one tends to be elevated. (I’m surprised more preachers don’t get nosebleeds or pass out from lack of oxygen.)

Preachers who do manage to avoid—or remove themselves from—a pedestal are reported to have done so because they realize (shocking as it seems) that prideful pastoral platforms preclude progression of God’s kingdom.

Also, aliens, at least in the movies, have a nasty habit of using their otherworldly powers to subdue humanity and turn everyone into slaves or zombies. Most of us have known preachers like that.

There are preachers who talk half their congregations into hell and then mercifully pull them out to be re-baptized. And, of course, we know preachers who fleece their flocks while telling them what they will and will not believe. And what about the preacher who lovingly instructs his congregation to reject and condemn those who dare disagree with his pronouncements? (You are probably already thinking of other examples.)

Thankfully, however, not all Baptist preachers are aliens from beyond. And despite the temptations that abound evermore, many good Baptist preachers are following the down-to-earth model of Jesus Christ. They allow laity not only to think for themselves, but to freely stand before God and remain unhindered in doing Kingdom work.

Indeed, this was a radical concept that Baptists championed in the 17th century. And now in the 21st century, it is perilously close to becoming a radical concept once again, as alien invaders are taking over more and more Baptist pulpits.

However, there is hope. The X-Files will be back next week.

But, more importantly, the Kingdom of God will not be subdued.