"Customized Bibles:  Attractive, but a Bad Idea" (July 2004)

One of the primary goals of every faithful Christian should be to let the Bible speak to us. When honest, however, we must admit a tendency toward wanting to tell the Bible what to say rather than the other way around.

We are free to make some choices about the Bibles we read — size, covers and translations. But “reader beware” when we try to customize the Bible too much to serve our personal interests.
If we are not careful, marketing the Bible for the 21st century could get out of hand. Imagine personalized Bibles dispensed by computerized kiosks shaped like a giant family Bible.
No, not monogrammed leather Bibles. I am thinking of what we all secretly want — a Bible that conforms to our own personal preferences.
“What Bible do you want today?” blares the Personalized Bible vending machine near the entrance of Mega-Mart.
Stepping closer to the machine, I hear: “You already ignore much of what the Bible says. Isn’t it time you get rid of those portions you don’t like?”
I am intrigued, but hesitant. After glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one is looking, I cannot help but inch closer to the machine.
“Choose from 32 pre-set templates, or create your own Bible,” reads the computer screen.
The options are amazing.
The Genuine Spineless Liberal Partially-Holy Bible: Leaves out any event that seems supernatural. This volume can easily be folded in half to fit in your back pocket, and can be read within a few hours – if you have nothing else to do.
The Essential TULIP Bible: Removes all references to human-initiated actions, particularly actions for the good. Readers have no choice but to read four chapters daily, which means you will read the entire volume once a month. This edition is a “must-have” for strict Calvinists.
Today’s Ultra Arminian Bible: Written in devotional format, this volume alternates between the themes of “Saved I Am” and “Saved I’m Not.”
The Comprehensive Fundamentalist Bible, General Edition: Omits all references, directly or indirectly, to the themes of freedom, grace, love and mercy. This volume contains significant portions of the Old Testament, and a few pages of the New Testament. Purchaser must speak the word “inerrancy” to unlock the cover of this Bible.
The Comprehensive Fundamentalist Idol Bible, Family Edition: Omits all references to people who were part of a dysfunctional family. This volume is the smallest available, and can be read in about five minutes.
The Make Me Feel Good Bible: Omits all direct and indirect references to sin.
And on the list goes. There seems to be an option for almost anyone.
The “Customize” description catches my eye. Imagine that, choosing the verses you want in your Bible!
I glace around once again as people swarm in and out of Mega-Mart. Fortunately, no one seems to be paying attention to the Personalized Bible vending machine and me.
But this deal feels more suspicious than the last time-share presentation I heard. So I melt into the crowd, still thinking about how convenient it would be if certain passages in the Bible had never been included in the first place.
The Bible, I remember from Sunday school teachers and preachers over the many years, is not about convenience. Deep down I know that the purpose of the Bible is to speak to me — unhindered and unfettered by my own prejudices and preconceived notions.
Yet I find myself stealing one more quick glance at the Personalized Bible vending machine as I am sucked into the Mega-Mart.