Dear (Grand)Daughter:

You have been on my mind so much that I just had to tell you how very proud I am. That part comes easy, but I also must apologize for something I did — or, rather, didn’t do — several years ago.

Some people have graciously called me a peacemaker. But, in reality, I’ve never been very good at taking a stand if personal risk was involved.

Frankly, I’ve been more concerned with looking out for myself than standing up for others — though I have rationalized it well.

Now I realize there is nothing noble about avoiding criticism. But, hopefully, there is some in admitting my failure, even if well after the fact.

Over the years, I’ve preached my share of sermons about standing up for what is right. You can’t explore the biblical texts each Sunday and avoid that message.

Of course, I eagerly and vocally joined other ministers in warning against the evils of secular society. It was when the wrong was being done on the inside that I tended to be silent.

There wasn’t much room for dissent back then. I didn’t want to be labeled as disloyal — and, frankly, not be considered for leadership opportunities that might be ahead.

Some of my minister friends shared my weakness. So we just grumbled privately and reinforced each other’s lack of boldness.

Regretfully, I did not have you in mind when other Baptist leaders started publicly opposing women ministers. While I would never have initiated such efforts, I must admit to going along with their ever-restrictive proclamations and policies without a word of public protest.

Honestly, I didn’t think things would escalate as they did. I remember the first time I read that we were about to oppose women as “senior pastors.”

It seemed right silly to me. But it was presented as some irrefutable biblical truth to be affirmed and even enforced — as if God wanted our help in keeping women in their proper place.

“Senior pastor” was hardly a biblical term. In fact, we Baptists had only been using it for a few years back then.

Pastors and churches — those with at least a part-time custodian — liked to put the title on their business cards and lighted signs to make them feel more important. Some of them just added it at the same time they were replacing “Baptist” with “Community” in the church’s name.

I remember thinking the whole idea of a Baptist church calling a minister ought to be left up to that congregation. But since I hardly knew any female pastors back then, it didn’t seem like that big of a deal.

But, of course, that first effort was not restrictive enough for some of the Baptist brethren newly intoxicated with political power. A couple of the good ol’ boys in the association led a charge to toss out a church that called a ministry couple.

Then the Christian education consultant the state convention used to send down to help us was no longer available. Her contract was not renewed, we learned, because she was ordained.

It didn’t matter that ordination was not even mentioned in the documents the convention approved. Just seemed like they wanted to make sure no woman was even moving near an open pulpit.

Those guys were quite ambitious, always looking to climb another step on the ecclesiastical ladder. So, I guess a doctrinal position that eliminates half the competition can be quite attractive.

Tragically, I didn’t look far enough down the road to see you. You were too young — though I must admit the brightest kid in your Sunday school class and missions group.

How strange! We saturated you in the ways of faith and then looked with surprise when God called you to ministry.

Oh how I wish I could go back and do things differently. Could I have made a difference by speaking out back then?

Not in them — but it would have made a difference in me.

So today I look back and am disappointed — both in those who pushed this agenda in the name of biblical fidelity and in myself for not having the courage to disagree.

It was just one of those typical Baptist political/theological debates back then — and we had a lot of them.

But now the issue has a face on it. And it is one I dearly love.

I was wrong, and God has forgiven me. Today, I am asking  for your forgiveness as well.

Love,
(Grand)Daddy

P.S. Be assured of my daily prayers for you and all the other chaplains who serve our God and others so faithfully — and at great risk.