Abusive relationships are double tragedies. The physical and/or psychological pain inflicted on a person is compounded by the tendency for those being abused to stay or return to the relationship out of fear, intimidation or insecurity.

Similar patterns can be seen in Baptist congregations that hang on to long-term relationships with Baptist conventions and associations — now firmly controlled by exclusive fundamentalist leadership — that keep pushing them away.

These Baptist bodies often have little resemblance — other than name — to their previous selves. They have become theological watchdogs that assume narrow, authoritative positions and exclude — and often ridicule — partnering churches that dare to disagree.

Time-honored principles of local church autonomy are ignored. Cooperation around a common mission has been misplaced by an ever-narrowing, highly political orthodoxy.

Churches that dare chart their own courses of ministry and define their Baptist identity in historical ways are soundly excluded — yet often continue to financially support their abusers.

Many Baptist congregations still fund Southern Baptist Convention and some fundamentalist-dominated state convention causes even though the church’s well-qualified lay leaders and ministers can no longer serve on denominational agency boards.

If a church’s pastor is considered “unqualified” (usually because of a relationship with the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship) to teach at an affiliated school or conference center, or to hold other leadership roles in the convention or association, perhaps the congregation should consider the health of that voluntary mission partnership.

Amazingly, many moderate Baptist churches have the hardest time letting go of such abusive relationships — even when their hands are repeatedly slapped as they hand these Baptist groups their mission money.

Some argue that — despite the disrespect and arrogance coming from fundamentalist Baptist leaders — their church’s gifts are needed to support missions. Check the latest news about the two Southern Baptist mission boards and see the foolishness of that argument.

One is without a leader due to excessive spending, among other failures, and the other has trustees fighting over how many more restrictions should be placed on their already over-restricted missionaries.

My own congregation has been grossly mistreated by the state convention in recent years. Lay leaders who once served effectively are no longer allowed on the nomination list.

But most telling, and painful to the congregation, was when convention officials — under pressure from heavy-handed elected leaders — forced two convention employees to move their memberships. The message was clear: Your church is not one of us.

However, after early outrage and the discoveries of a committee formed to investigate the matter, the congregation has failed to move out of this abusive relationship.

Look around. There are so many wonderful Baptist ministry partners out there where a congregation’s support is appreciated — and the church is respected. Staying in relationship with those that disrespect and insult their ministry partners is dysfunctional and abusive.

Breaking up is hard to do. For many churches, however, it is time to think about moving on.